No Man is an Island

I was watching this episode of Friends the other night and this scene made me laugh. So. HARD. Because I am Chandler, of course. It’s OK Chandler…goodbyes are tough.

 

But it got me thinking, why am I so Chandler? Or rather, it made me continue to think about something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. Why is it so hard to show vulnerability and be open, even with people we love and trust? And why is it even harder to ask for help? The simple and short answer is pride, I guess. For me, the fear of looking (or maybe just feeling) foolish often stops me from saying or doing what I really want to. And there’s the fear of completely giving away my secret thoughts/fears/emotions that I will never have back, only for me. It just makes me feel so icky and uncomfortable to share anything below surface level about myself. And I get nervous, and make dumb jScreenshot_2015-11-07-14-22-03_1_1okes and make others around me feel awkward too, I think.

I’m working on this. Or at least I’m going to start. I need to. To be honest, these past few years have not been the easiest. There have not been any major traumatic events in our lives (thankfully), but you know…life is just hard. If you’re reading this and you are a human, I’m sure you can relate. And I have come to the conclusion, that I obviously can’t continue on like this. It has taken its toll on me emotionally and even affected my health. I need to let people in a little more. I need to be more open. Just typing this is making my heart race a little.

So here it is…if you call yourself my friend, first thanks…and second, don’t be afraid to challenge me a little with a deeper question here or there. If you’re comfortable with it, that is. If I pretend like I didn’t hear you and then sprint away, please forgive me and try again another day. I’m going to leave it at that. And secretly hope that nobody reads this.

I am so grateful for friends that have already made it known that they are available for me any time, but in my own time and my own way. We all need people like that in our lives.

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.  – John Donne

 

4 thoughts on “No Man is an Island

  1. Katrina,
    What an honest, open post. I, too, struggle with this very same thing, and have for years. When meeting new people or even with friends, I often find myself directing the conversation so that it never turns to me. I always thought it was because I didn’t like the attention on me, but maybe it’s more that I have trouble opening up. Of course, there’s always the fear that I may something that makes me look stupid (which is apt to happen), or creates awkwardness.
    Thanks for sharing. These are the posts that are the most difficult to write, I know,but usually the ones that readers take comfort in. 🙂
    Hugs,
    Liisa

    1. Hey Liisa! Thanks for sharing your thoughts here and on FB. I was just thinking about all the very random times we’ve crossed paths since high school…the gym at Cambrian, while you were doing some race or something on St Joe’s island and then when I was like “hey…is that….Liisa??” on Mantracker. (I suppose we didn’t technically cross paths on that one.) Anyway, I get the feeling we were supposed to hang out more in life or something. I think we have a lot in common.:)

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